IN THE DARK
'In her despair she looked to the universe for answers. And saw that her darkness could be diffused with starlight.'
From The Dark: We Come into the Light
Why is it that our true connection to the universe is often remembered when everything else seems to disintegrate around us? Is it possible that we, in our human complexity, create paradoxical worlds – where the depth of suffering becomes the very catalyst that reconnects us to the higher self, to higher consciousness? Some would argue that we do, knowingly or unknowingly. For some, this disconnect leads to profound suffering; for others, it may mean losing everything. For a few of us, the more evolved minority, we may just lose our sanity, our hair, our homes, or even our friends.
The darkness often comes as an unavoidable part of the human experience. It arrives in moments of despair, in periods when the world we’ve built for ourselves has come crumbling down. Yet, it is during these times of solitude and separation, when we feel the most distant from everything that once felt stable, that we can experience a more profound awakening, as we detach from our expectations and current experience of the 'self'. It is in these darkest nights of the soul that we often remember – remember that we are not singular. We are not 'nothing.' In those moments when we strip away the superficial diversions of modern life, when we let go of the distractions that often shield us from our deepest truths, we find that the darkness becomes the fertile soil from which the light grows.
In the dark, we become most awake. We feel the truth of our existence. We remember that we are connected to something much greater than ourselves – part of the divine feminine creation of the universe. We are the flower. We are the tree. We are the air, if we choose to be. This connection is not just intellectual, but deeply visceral. It is in these moments of vulnerability, of rawness, that we can feel a deeper sense of belonging and unity with the universe. We are love. We are loved. Simply because we exist. The very act of breathing becomes an affirmation that we are worthy, that we are enough, despite the messages we have been told by society – the messages that suggest we lack, that we are not enough.
This truth is the essence of the feminine self. It resides not only in the quiet strength of our compassion but also in the deep, powerful experience of sexual pleasure, in childbirth, in the simple, yet profound act of offering a hand, a hug, or a kind word. It is in these acts of connection that we feel most aligned with our truth. It is when others hurt or abandon us, when everything seems lost to our minds, that the true power of our feminine resilience emerges.
In those fleeting moments of abandonment, it is then that we see our true, enduring self. SHE lives inside of us. SHE sees us. SHE is us. And we, we are HER. We come to realise that, even in the face of human suffering, we are capable of profound resilience. In the darkest moments, when we are faced with overwhelming sadness or despair, it is here—within the very vulnerability of our humanity – that we experience the light that has always been with us, even if we didn't see it before.
There have been times in my own life when I have contemplated allowing myself the choice to no longer participate in this existence, to escape the weight of the pain, the betrayals, the abandonment. When all the comforts of the modern world – money, material possessions, and social status – have failed to console me, it was in these moments that I found myself feeling utterly disconnected. The pain, the grief, the fear of being misunderstood, unacknowledged, unloved, these were the emotions that overwhelmed me. I whispered to the universe, “I give up. I let go. I want out.”
Yet, even in these moments of complete surrender to despair, I have experienced something subtle, yet profound. The quiet breath, the warmth of the sun, the whisper of time – all of these have gently reminded me of my inherent worth and purpose. I began to see that I am not separate from everything I feel disconnected from. I am connected to something far greater than my conscious awareness can grasp. The darkness that once seemed all-encompassing started to reveal the light within it. In the smallest moments – the smile of a stranger, a hand reaching out to comfort, the way the leaves flutter in the wind, or the way the clouds shift slowly in the sky – I began to see that I am a part of something greater, something infinitely beautiful.
The real paradox is that we may actually seek out these moments of darkness, unconsciously creating them to remind us of the light. If this is true, then we might ask ourselves: can we stay in the light? Can we keep our connection to the divine without needing to plunge into the depths of despair? Could the darkness, then, be unnecessary? What would it be like to truly remember that we are already whole, already connected, even in the absence of suffering?
The answer may lie in our relationship with the subconscious mind – the part of us that drives our actions, beliefs, and emotional responses, often without our conscious awareness. The subconscious stores everything that has been experienced and learned, including all the pain, joy, and unresolved trauma of our lives. We are not always aware of the influences it has over us. However, our subconscious often seeks to bring these underlying emotions to the surface, sometimes through painful experiences, in an effort to achieve healing and integration.
The subconscious operates like a vast, hidden reservoir that stores memories, emotions, and impressions. It is not bound by the logical constraints of the conscious mind, but it has a profound effect on our reality. These feelings of sadness, of longing, of hurt – they can be buried deep within us, yet they continue to influence our thoughts, actions, and interactions with others. The darkness that we sometimes find ourselves in may be an unconscious attempt by our mind to bring these buried emotions into conscious awareness, to allow us to confront and heal them. By looking into the darkness and embracing it, we may be able to dissolve these hidden layers of pain and suffering, replacing them with understanding and compassion.
The key is to bring these emotions into the light of consciousness. When we allow ourselves to fully feel and acknowledge the pain, the fear, the confusion, we can begin to understand the lessons they carry. In this process of conscious awareness, we free ourselves from the grip of unconscious patterns. We give ourselves permission to heal, to let go of old wounds, and to welcome a new sense of peace and understanding. The paradoxical beauty is that by embracing the darkness, we find the light that was always within us.
‘In the dark… I see the light. 'In the dark... I am wide-awake…’
This awakening is not just an intellectual understanding. It is a visceral, embodied experience. When we consciously engage with our inner darkness, when we allow ourselves to explore the hidden recesses of our subconscious, we invite transformation. The darkness is no longer something to fear or avoid, but a fertile ground for growth and healing. The light is always there, waiting to be uncovered, shining softly in the corners of our souls.
Can our darkness be diffused with starlight? Do we need the dark to finally see the light? And if so, can we stay in the light? Perhaps not, and therefore if the darkness is a prerequisite for expansion then the solution is not to avoid the darkness, but to embrace it fully – knowing that in doing so, we are stepping into the light of awareness, the light of transformation, and the light of wholeness. The journey is not about escaping the darkness, but about learning to navigate it with grace, insight, and understanding. In this transition between shadow and light, we come to understand the true nature of our being as whole – with the full spectrum of human emotion and experience – as the resilient and deeply connected 'self' alive in the universe.
